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 Post subject: babysitters.
PostPosted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 11:59 pm 
ok, so the one phrase i have learned to live by is this "if a baby cries, something is wrong." so today, my sister came over and sat with mykenzi so i could go get my WIC taken care of so that i had it b4 my surgery and wouldnt have to go out to get it afterwards. so i feed her, dress her, change her, make sure everything is fine and dandy with her. my sister comes over, and i get ready to go, i run down everything with her that she needs to know..
now, i only have 1 pacifier, of which i keep in the diaper bag for crying episodes in the car when i cant get to her, and thats it, if she cries at home, i try and figure out the problem, and i never resort to the pacifier, i did a few times in the begginning, but not any more. so i come home, and kenzi is laying on the couch next to my sister, crying, and my sister is holding the pacifier in her mouth. AND she is wearing different clothes. so i ask my sister, "what the hell are you doing?" all the while, thinking t myself, howd u find the pacifier, and y is she in different freaking clothes. she says to me... "she wanted the pacifier" so i tell her "uuum, if she is screaming and not even sucking on it, how can she want it? and why arent u trying to find out why she is crying?!?" "and why the HELL is she in different clothes?" her response to the clhtes was "she didnt like the ones you had on her!!!"

oh my freaking good lord, what is wrong with her?>!?!
so i go over, pick up mykenzi, she STINKS, she has a poopy butt, i change her, lay her on the floor in her play gym, shhe is fine.
i tried talking to my sister and telling her that i dont appreciate it when people dont respect the way i do things. i respected her beliefs when her kids were young, she needs to do the same. and she responds by telling me "your new at this, you havent learned the ways yet!" so i ask her "how are you helping her if she is screaming and your doing nothing about it?
it was a big old fight and my sister basically left and on the way out told me i had clue what i was doing and that kenzi is gonna give me hell because of the way im raising her! :(:(:(
how can anyone with a conscience honestly say that?>!>!>???

so then she called me later, and wants me babysit when i have my surgery.. but she hurt my feelings so bad, and doesnt respect the way i do things, i dont even wanna see hre right now im so pissed@

have any of you ever had to deal with crazy controlling family members or babysitters/>


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 Post subject: Re: babysitters.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 12:17 am 
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Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2004 11:10 am
Posts: 290
MissSparky wrote:
have any of you ever had to deal with crazy controlling family members or babysitters/>

Yes, but not to the extent that you're dealing with. My MIL watches the kids every day while my wife is at work (well, she did when I had a freakin' job) and she has very definite ways of doing things. Unfortunately those ways don't always mesh with what Mrs. Steve and I want. We've had a series of battles over things like holding Hannah for every nap when she was a baby, having the TV on all the time, what to feed the kids for lunch, etc. Many of the battles are smallish ones, but there are so many of them. I've mellowed about it a bit since I know it's hard for her to take care of two kids now, but what it comes down to is that no one will take care of your children exactly the way you want them to. It's a matter of how far off from your wishes they are. It's particularly tough when talking about family members. With a paid sitter, you know they won't get additional business if they don't do what you want. With family, they think they know what's best. It sounds like your sister is too far off to be an acceptable sitter, unfortunately.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 12:24 am 
yeah, i can understand small battles over lunch and tv, but to simply change her clothes because "the baby didnt like them" is pathetic! if i do leave hre with my sis, my mom will b there too cuz i trust mom


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 12:29 am 
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Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2004 11:10 am
Posts: 290
MissSparky wrote:
yeah, i can understand small battles over lunch and tv, but to simply change her clothes because "the baby didnt like them" is pathetic! if i do leave hre with my sis, my mom will b there too cuz i trust mom

Probably not a bad idea. Like I said, the problems I've had haven't been anywhere near what you mentioned.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 1:59 am 
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Joined: Sat Feb 26, 2005 1:03 pm
Posts: 55
Location: Illinois
Hey Miss Sparky,
Nothing like those family members that swear they know it all about how to raise YOUR baby. I love my fiance but his family is something different. My soon to be MIL asked me if I was going to be a fussy mother.???? HUH? Soon after having Brieanna I found out what that meant, she can give instructions on what to do cuz she had 6 kids but me being her mother doesn't know anything. If it were up to her she would have her outside all the time coming over to see her and I should leave her overnight. LOL not....She wants me to feed her all this odd stuff cuz thats what she did. Sorry. In the future if she honestly wants her to come over then she (MIL) has to respect my decisions about MY child or Brieanna won't come over. (my fiance agrees)Trust me the only person I trust is my sister and she lives far away. I go nowhere cuz I trust noone, she goes everywhere I go. LOL but true. Don't settle for what people want to do with your child and if they get mad then oh, well.


Melissa
Image
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/b/brie04/


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 3:19 am 
ive pretty much have had a good idea of how i wanted to raise my children from the time i was 14 years old, and i come from a family of baby boomers, so i got to see all the techniques and what other people do, and from that i established my own way. everytime my sis comes over, she runs in and wakes the baby, and doesnt respect me telling her to leave her be. my niece absolutely adores kenzi, and if she is there when her mom is, stacie is really pushy, she tells her "leave her alone, be careful of her head, get out of her face, dont breath on her" and amber is constantly asking if she can hold her and stacie says "i am holding her, you can when im done.." and then stacie doesnt get done till its time to go and amber never gets to hold her! ugh, pisses me off beyond belief, if kenzi is swinging, or laying down, or doing anything, and stacie is there, she actually has the nerve to tell me "leave her alone" well excuse me but.. SHE IS MY DAUGHTER!!!! i just got my parents re-trained... for a long long time, when kenzi would wake up, they would rush to hold her and bable with her and get her to smile, and then when she got fussy, theyd give her back to me of which time, i would feed her, change her, do whatever she needed, and then she would fall asleep! it took about two weeks of me throwing around the phrase "oh sure, mom doesnt gte smiles, mom only get the screaming upset, dirty, hungry baby!! bull****!!" so now when she cries, i get her, i get some time, meet her needs, then we pass her around. my dad was the worst, he did it again last week! kenzi slept from 10 pm till 7 am, she woke up and wanted a bottle, i fed hre and changed her, and she fell asleep. well here, i use getting dressed time as bonding time, i take my time and talk to her and tell her what im doing and play games. so the same day, she wakes up around 11 am, i get her up, change her, and proceed to get her dressed, well, halfway through getting her dressed, she starts throwing a fuss! dad comes a runnin' (first grandbaby syndrome!) i finish and go to cuddle and talk with her and he walks in and holds his hands out for me to give her to him, he took her, and left, then mom got her, then amber got her (amber stayed over that night) then she was passed back to me when she started crying! i was freaking furious... i took her and her bottle, and went in my room and shut the door! (i have a dvd player in my computer) i put a movie in the computer, and sat in here with her! i watched the movie, fed her, and then we fell asleep on my bed for a while.. later that night, dad was all apologetic! he felt so bad about it.. and all i could think was "good, how would you feel!?"

wow that post got out of hand! sorry about the length!!


Melissa~ at least your fiancee is behind you with that! isnt it amazing how people always know that you, the mother of the child knwos nothing and they know everything? ive had people without children give me crap! its like.. who are you to even think about it?!?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 3:58 am 
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Joined: Sat Feb 26, 2005 1:03 pm
Posts: 55
Location: Illinois
SHE IS MY DAUGHTER is exactly right. I too have raised 6 nieces & nephews and have prepared for this all my life. I am not perfect but I do know how I wish to raise her. I understand aunts , uncles & grandparents want in their life and I am all for the love she gets from everyone but they need to understand it is a privelege and not a right to be involved. They don't just get to make their own choices regarding their niece, granddaughter etc. I don't want to take anyone out of her life but if they don't respect my decisions then I will. Long story short, she and her daughters used to hate me, couldn't stand me, talked behind my back all the time before I got pregnant. NOW that there is a baby they expect smooth sailing just because there is a baby. There is a lot to be proven and I don't trust her or her daughters at all. I know if I did ever leave Brie over there and I gave instructions on when she eats and what she eats she(mil) would go against it because thats the way she is. I feel for you because I know how it goes. Venting is needed especially when the problem people never acknowledge their issues and keep driving you nuts with the constant controlling issue which is exactly what it is with my soon to be MIL. The way I see it is when I go over there I let them hold her and play cuz they love her but I told my fiance that there is a much needed conversation that needs to happen with his mother(sisters) and me. They need to know where I stand and respect what I say about our daughter. I hope you solve your issue and make it work for you and your precious one. I too rambled but guess what, it felt good. Nitey Nite

Melissa
Image
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/b/brie04/


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 12:53 pm 
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Joined: Wed May 26, 2004 10:21 pm
Posts: 302
This is kind of a sore subject for me. I know how you feel too. My dh didn't know to much about kids so pretty much what I say goes but when it came to his family that was another matter. They hardly watched my dd her 1st yr because they could care less about my wishes. I went to college for Early Childhood and they were always saying, she has to do it all by the book & its her 1st so she doesn't know. First I already knew how I was going to raise my children prior to my schooling and it was pretty much things I already knew about. They would do things in front of me and then tell me they did it with their kids and their other grandkids and it never hurt them. UGH. I'm like yeah you had your turn, your done and these are MY kids. Some might be small issues but their my kids & all my wishes should be followed imo. My dd is a preemie & had eating issues & they were always trying to feed her things when she was small. It drove me crazy. They didn't think she needed special care. Everyone had to wash their hands prior to touching her cause it was RSV season & she was getting special shots to keep her safe but they thought they didn't need to & I was being overprotective & that germs would help boost her immune system. My MIL was/is always telling me my kids need changed & fed. It took a LONG time but with my ds they have been good about the things they used to drive me crazy with, so far anyway. This kind of turned into a vent. Just let them know your wishes would appreciate them respecting them. Maybe one day they will. Good luck.


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