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 Post subject: Going back to work
PostPosted: Mon Jul 05, 2004 9:30 am 
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Joined: Thu Jun 10, 2004 8:55 am
Posts: 16
Location: tn
How do you deal with having to go back to work? I am a teacher with a 7 month old little boy and go back to work in 3 weeks. I am completely and utterly sick to my stomach now with the thoughts of having to leave him. I do have a wonderful person to keep him and know he will be taken care of, but it's the thoughts of him waking up from a nap and him not seeing my face or me not being the one to comfort him when he cries. I am cherishing every bit of the time that I have left before I go back to work, but how do you deal with it? I cry everytime I think about it now.

My husband and I are getting ready to build a house and I keep trying to tell myself that I am giving him the good parts of life since I am working, and we'd be living out of a box if I weren't, but it doesn't make my heart quit hurting.

Also, there is NO way of me getting to stay home. My paycheck is a neccessity. If there was even a little chance, I'd jump on it, but there's no way.

How did you all deal with it or am I just over-reacting and looney? Thanks!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jul 05, 2004 9:56 am 
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Joined: Sun Jul 04, 2004 3:52 pm
Posts: 7
First and foremost..you are NOT looney!!! I'm lucky enough that I work afternoons so I get most of the day with my 14 month old. I feel ok about working knowing that all I miss is her supper, bath and bed. Although I do miss bathtime.
I take care of my niece while her mom and dad are working during the day. I know it's hard for my sister-in-law so what I try to do is email her pictures of her daughter at the park or playing with my daughter..or even sleeping. I think it helps her to know that her daughter is ok. Her favorite part of the day though I think is coming home from work and seeing her daughters eyes light up when she sees her and she'll run up and hug and kiss her mommy. It lets her know that while she well taken care of while mommy's at work..mommy is the favorite :wink:
Hope that helps a little.


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 Post subject: thanks
PostPosted: Mon Jul 05, 2004 12:18 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jun 10, 2004 8:55 am
Posts: 16
Location: tn
Thanks, that does help some. I think what I'm afraid of is just what you said...he will be used to having someone else come to him when he cries or when he wakes up, etc. and I will no longer be the "favorite". I know little boys will eventually outgrow mommy anyway, and that's not going to happen at 8 months (what he'll be when I return to work), but I still worry that he will not want me as much.

I have had problems in the past of the lady that keeps him turning him away from me and things like that when I would come to pick him up. I know sometimes that she's joking, but when he is excited and smiling and she turns him the other way where he can't see me, that hurts. She's a close friend of the family though so I hate to say anything cause she makes it out like a joke, but I'm just afraid that he'll eventually get to where he does prefer to stay with her and doesn't care whether Mommy comes home or not! Plus, there has been things in the past that I have asked them not to do and they've done it anyway( like buying him things that his dad and I wanted to be the first to get and they went and bought them anyway!) so it probably wouldn't matter what I said.

Thanks for your thoughts - it did help!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jul 07, 2004 10:38 am 
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Joined: Sun Jul 04, 2004 3:52 pm
Posts: 7
I totally sympathize with you. My daughter goes to my brother and sister in law while I'm at work and I know how you feel when they do something that you don't like. They feed her junk food even though they know I don't like that. I brought some better snacks for them and asked them a few times to not give her junk but I know they still give her the junk.
As far as the baby sitter turning your son away when he goes to you....you have to know that that's worng, joke or no joke. I know it's hard to tell her because she's your friend but I don't think that's right. i wonder how she would like it if you did the same to her child. I would ask her politely to not do that, that you want to greet him or say goodbye properly even if it gets him a little upset. He has to learn that you can't be around every second but that you always come back.
I hope you're able to talk to your friend and let her know that you love that she takes such good care of your son, but you want your son to come to you to say goodbye when you leave or hello when you come back.
take care


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 10:18 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2004 11:10 am
Posts: 290
I'm not minimizing anything here .. I'm just curious about something. As a guy I was highly fortunate to get just two weeks off after my son was born last month. I essentially laid it down in front of my boss that I was taking the time off, and he was too chicken to tell me no. However, two weeks is NOTHING compared to eight or ten like most women take. But yet, you always hear women agonizing about going back to work. Honestly is it that much harder for women? Do they get more attached to their children than men? I was pretty upset missing my son and my two-year-old daughter (who I spent a LOT of time with during those two weeks to give my wife a break) the first few days but I got used to it because I had no choice.

Again, not trying to start something ... just seriously curious what people think.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jul 14, 2004 9:18 am 
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Joined: Wed May 26, 2004 10:21 pm
Posts: 302
Personally for me, I knew I wouldn't work when I had my children. I am one of those people who think that what's the point of having children if your only going to see them for a couple hours each day. I did work for the first 9 mos of my first only because she came to work with me. Then I became a SAHM. I've worked in many daycare homes and wouldn't want to send my children to them. Yes sometimes the extra money would be nice, but you manage. Plus the childcare fees today are ridiculous for a nice place. I think for the women that don't want to leave their children is motherly instinct and they carried them for approx. 9 mos and then have to say goodbye each day and we've dealt with preg. horomones for 9 mos and then, boom, are horomones are out of whack again after delivering. If I had to ship them off to childcare, I'm sure I would get over it quickly, but I am fortunate that I can stay home with my children and wouldn't have it any other way.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jul 14, 2004 10:10 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2004 11:10 am
Posts: 290
Mom of 2 wrote:
Personally for me, I knew I wouldn't work when I had my children. I am one of those people who think that what's the point of having children if your only going to see them for a couple hours each day.

That's how I feel, but I don't have any choice.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 17, 2004 12:50 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jun 10, 2004 8:55 am
Posts: 16
Location: tn
First of all, DadSteve, yes, I do feel like mother's get more attached to their children. Mothers have that specail bond. Like the Mom of 2 said, you have carried them for 9 months and then have to say goodbye. My husband definitely does not understand at all. He doesn't get it when I cry and go on about it, but my other "mother" friends do. It is just a woman thing.

Second, Mom of 2, I envy you for getting to stay home. I would love to if I could. We have to have my paycheck and my husband tells me everyday that he wishes that we could afford for me to stay home. I got lucky and since the babysitter is a friend she doesn't charge me anything. We live in a very poor area and jobs don't pay much. Even with a college degree, the money is still not there. We don't have many bills except a car payment and we are building a house, but I cannot afford not to work. I thought about that before I had kids and how hard it would be, but I feel like that if I decided not to have kids just because I had to go to work, I would miss out on so much. I am a teacher so I get 2 months off in the summer, plus lots of vacations and get home by 3:30-4 so I get to see my son all but about 7 hours of a day. That's 21 hours that he's mine to love. How could anyone pass up the bathtimes, the rocking to sleep, the weekends, the bedtime stories, all the moments that you do get to be there? I wouldn't trade anything for that! Also, me working is giving him a new house, a huge backyard, and things I didn't get to have growing up. You can't trade that stuff for time, I know, but in a few years he'll be going to work with Mommy everyday!


And last, thanks Sanda, you made me feel better knowing that I am not alone. I may be looking you up on here to vent!!!


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