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PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 6:34 am 
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Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2009 5:43 am
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Location: Burbank Ca
I'm 16 and have a two week old girl. I love her and her daddy with all my heart. My fiance and I are doing every single thing we can to provide for Ella, my daughter, and we are doing pretty well. We'll take turns, if not hog her to ourselves sometimes, we keep up with school. He has a job and I'm looking for one, but my mom just isn't very supportive. How can i get her to see that being a mom is the best thing that's happened to me. It really put my life in check and gave me meaning. Help?


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 7:55 am 
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Joined: Thu Jul 03, 2008 7:40 am
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Location: Wi
Hi Love!
Congrats on your new little one!! :) I'm happy that things are going well for you. It's still pretty new to all of you, your mom included. I know from becoming a grandma at a young age, things take time to settle into place. Hang in there. Although your mom had time to come to terms w/your pregnancy, now that the baby is here, it's a whole new ball game. No one but her might understand what she's feeling right now. It could be she's having trouble adjusting to having a baby in the house again. I'm not sure, just guessing here. Her life has been turned upside down too. I can speak from experience on that one! LOL

Being a mom is one of life's greatest joys. It is also one of life's biggest challenges. You're new at the whole mom thing but your mom isn't. She knows the challenges that the future will bring for you so she could be worried for you cuz she loves you so much.

There are so many different personalities when it comes to babies. I have an aunt that refuses to hold a baby until they're 3 months old. She's just nervous around the tiny ones. Some people just don't like babies but love the toddler stage. Others love everything to do w/a new baby.

I'm not sure what you mean when you say she's not very supportive. Can you give a few details?

In the mean time, just be patient. Talk to her, ask her how She's doing. One of the best ways to understand what she's going thru is to sit down and talk about what's going on in her life. Be understanding, she needs that just as much as you do. You can (and should) tell her that you know things at home are different now that the baby is here, but you want her to know that you appreciate everything she's doing for you and Ella.

I wish you well my dear! :)


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 4:15 pm 
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Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2009 5:43 am
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Location: Burbank Ca
Thank you so much for the advice. I think everyone around me, except my fiance and myself are frozen with shock. So I'm really kinda figuring things out for my own.
When I say she's unsupportive, I mean she walks around all day and kinda ignores me. My dad hasn't spoken to me in 10 months, but luckily my older sister is more helpful. She helps me out with Ella when she gets home from her job at the mall. I want Ella to grow up with the best surrounding family she can. So I want her to have a healthy relationship with her grandma and grandpa. I tried tlking to them, I even tried giving them space, what should I do?


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 6:16 pm 
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Location: Wi
Love_My_Life_As_A_mommy wrote:
Thank you so much for the advice. I think everyone around me, except my fiance and myself are frozen with shock. So I'm really kinda figuring things out for my own.
When I say she's unsupportive, I mean she walks around all day and kinda ignores me. My dad hasn't spoken to me in 10 months, but luckily my older sister is more helpful. She helps me out with Ella when she gets home from her job at the mall. I want Ella to grow up with the best surrounding family she can. So I want her to have a healthy relationship with her grandma and grandpa. I tried tlking to them, I even tried giving them space, what should I do?


Oh boy, doesn't sound like a happy place to be. Again, hang in there. About the best advice I can give you is probably not so much "advice" as it is what I went thru when my son told me his gf was pregnant. I was so hurt, angry, and yes...embarrassed. I grieved for him cuz I knew what his life was now going to be like. I married a man that had 2 kids from a previous marriage. I saw what my step-kids went thru having two different homes, different rules, custody battles, child support, and just plain hell to live thru at times. I don't want that life for my son, his gf, or my granddaughter. They're still together, but they're still very young. Odds are, they'll split up in the coming years and then they'll be living the life my DH and I had to live. It sucked and I just wanted better for my son.

You are now a mom, you love your baby to the ends of the earth and you want the absolute best for her. Dare I say, you want a better life for her than you've had? You may have had a pretty good life up til now, I don't know. But no matter how good (or bad) you've had it, you still want more for your child. It's what we do as parents. We love our kids to pieces and want so many good things for them. What could be happening is your mom (and dad) are hurting for you, knowing that there will be some rough days ahead of you. I still hurt for my son cuz I know even though their little one is 2, and she's a total delight....they've got some rough patches to go thru. That's just life. I'd love to have seen him grow up, get his life together, college, job, etc., before starting a family with a girl he had only dated for a month. But that wasn't the case. :( Fortunately, we've made our peace with things and are doing our best to get along, help out, and love this little one more than life itself.

Some other things could be going on too. Could they still be embarrassed that you had a baby so young? Some people have a real hard time w/that. I remember when my older sister came home at 15, said she was pregnant. OMG! That was Something!!!!!! I think my dad wanted to kill the guy, my mom wanted to stick her head in the sand and pretend it never happened. My parents were from a different era. They were raised different and sex was something that you did not entertain until you were married. As parents (myself included) we think we're doing a good job raising our kids. For the most part, we do, do a good job. But as you know, our kids tend to make decisions for themselves and Poof! One result is a baby. It's still hard on us though.

I'm so sorry your dad hasn't spoken to you in 10 months. That has to be incredibly hard for you as well as for him. Cuz it is hard to not talk to someone who lives in the same house as you do. Give him time. 10 months is a long time already, I know. Some people need more time to get over whatever is going on whether it be embarrasment, disappointment, hurt, pain, anger...all those lovely negative emotions. :(

Could be your mom is still going thru alot of those same emotions too. It could be her way of dealing with her emotions by ignoring you. Some people don't like to deal w/life's "difficult" moments. If they ignore them, maybe the difficulties will go away. Think of my mom and wanting to stick her head in the sand. (years later, we joked about her having the Ostrich Syndrome...groan!) My mom had a terrible time dealing with certain truths. I feel bad for her even now, and she's been gone for 23 years. If she talked about something, then she had to deal with it. If she didn't ever talk about it, it didn't exsist, so she didn't have to deal with it. I don't know if that's what's going on w/your mom or not. Could be, then again, I could be totally wrong.

Another thing that could be going on w/both of your parents is depression. I know I went thru a hellava depression before my granddaughter was born! I had 8 months to deal with my own emotions before she was born and I got over it. I think in time, your parents will come to accept what life has handed them and you will have a good relationship with them again and so will your daughter.

Just out of curiosity...how far along w/your pregnancy were you when you told them? Is this their first grandchild? Do you have a good relationship with any of your grandparents? You may try talking with them too.

One thing I can recommend is sitting down and writing your parents a letter. Let them know you understand that you (may?) have disappointed them. Apologize if you believe you have embarrassed them among the community, the rest of the family, their friends, relatives, church, etc. If they are religious, this may be a huge blow to them...having a grandchild born out of wedlock. Old fashioned? Yup. But I had the same problem. Guess I'm old! LOL I was raised in a Lutheran family. You obeyed the 10 Commandments. They may change once you and your fiance are married and your Ella is now "legitmate". Strange to read I'm sure but that could be a possible cause.

So write them a short letter and don't make a big production out of it. Leave it by the coffee pot where they'll find it in the morning. Tell them you love them, miss the old relationship you once had with them, and you're sorry. They may never bring it up to you that they read it, but at least you'll have the peace of mind knowing you tried to mend their broken hearts and repair any damage you may have caused.

Keep in mind too that you're #1, young and #2, your hormones are still all over the place. That's perfectly normal after you have a baby. You may be reacting different to things now than you ever have in the past. The hormones will level out in a few months (weeks? not sure it's been 20 years for me. LOL) and you will find yourself less emotional. I remember after our daughter was born, everyone warned me about the "baby blues". I was crying all the time but it wasn't cuz I was depressed. I was so freakin' Happy! But sad at the same time cuz my hubby and I had decided that we were only going to have one child together, and I was so incredibly happy w/our little girl, I was sad that I was never going to be able to experience pregnacy and a new baby again. (talk about weird!?!) When I explained to my husband why I was always crying, he just laughed! Of course we can have another baby if that's what I wanted. Duh? Hormones! They can do some wild things!! LOL So while you're giving your parents some time, give yourself some time too. ;)

I'm glad that your older sister is helpful! You've got support there. While it may not be as much as what you want, or from whom you want it, look on the bright side. You've got an understanding and helpful sister. It's a start. In 6 months when Ella is coo-ing and smiling all over the place, I imagine that your parents will have started to come along. It's hard to ignore a sweet little happy baby. They may not show that side of themselves to you, but I'm guessing they'll warm up to that little girl on the sly! ;)

Worst case scenario, they may never come around. :( I hope that doesn't happen, for their sake as well as your's and Ella's. It would be incredibly sad for all of you. But as time goes on, you will find other people to be in your support circle. You can develope relationships with a favorite aunt or uncle, they can be the "fake grandparents" for little Ella. How are Patrick's parents w/the baby? Are they ok? You never know who you might meet that will fall in love with that little girl and become a very important part of her and your lives. When she's older and you take her to the park...the zoo, wherever, even the grocery store. There are people in this world that we meet, things click, and strong relationships develope. I had that w/the "crazy cat lady" that lived next door to us. It started by us taking over some Christmas goodies one year cuz we had so much and I knew they were poor. Got to be we "fed" them every nite, had the best chats and laughs w/Char after her husband died. She turned out to be not so crazy even if she did have over 40 cats. She was a good friend, like a favorite aunt, my replacement mom, and grandma all rolled into one wonderful person. I never thought that would happen but it did and we sure enjoyed eachother's company right up until the day she died. We just never know what the future will bring. :)

So, what you can do is give them some time, give them some space, do something nice for them every day. Get the paper or the mail. Sweep the floor. Offer to do the dishes when Ella is napping, or swap out the laundry. It doesn't have to be alot, or anything really big, but if you do something nice every day for the "good of the family", they'll notice the maturity in you. Pick up after yourself, take good care of your baby, and just love them and be patient with them. It's still new to them.

And when you need help, I'm only a "post" away. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk privately. I know it's hard, but things will get better. Take care!! Mary


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 6:31 pm 
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Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2009 5:43 am
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Location: Burbank Ca
Thanks, i guess your right. Little things would really help them warm up to Ella and myself again. Patricks mom was a little difficult to persuade, but once she really held Ella she melted. :) that was a great day. I was about three months pregnant when I told the families.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 6:53 pm 
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Hey, glad you could see some help in my novel. Sorry I have a tendancy to ramble on a bit.
I'm so glad Patrick's mom melted once she held the baby. Those babies might be tiny, but they hold a great deal of power!!


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 6:56 pm 
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Yeah, it was really great to see her hold Ella and smile at us. :)


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 7:29 pm 
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I will never forget when they brought Chloe out of the OR and I got to see her for the first time. Boy! What a Rush!!! :) Holding her even now that she's 2 is still magical.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 8:32 pm 
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Thats so sweet. :) it's like nothing else in the world to hold someone you just met, but love more than life itself. :)


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 9:11 pm 
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You said it best! Enjoy your daughter and give her a hug for me. ;)


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 11:54 pm 
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i will, and thanks so much for listening and helping. :)


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 4:21 am 
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No thanks needed!! I'm glad I could help. We all need someone to talk to some days. Sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger. Holler any time you feel like it. Things will improve. :) I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 28, 2009 11:59 pm 
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hi, the following website is great if you want advice or just simply want someone to talk to. its run by a young mum who knows exactly what you are going through, check it out!!


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 Post subject: great website
PostPosted: Tue Dec 29, 2009 12:00 am 
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sorry i forgot to give you the website lol silly me!! the website is www.youngmumadvice.webs.com


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