Baby Place

pregnant_denae · Guest

Hi, I'm Denae. I'm 14 and 6 months pregnant. I really need help on deciding if I should keep my baby. See when I got pregnant it was through carelessness. My ex and I didn't have anymore protection, so we took a chance using the same condom twice and it broke. I found out I was pregnant soon after and told him. Of course he didn't care and has since gotten a new girlfriend. My parents found out through the school about a month later. My problem now is that my mother hates me, and has told me so, she wanted me to get an abortion which I refused and my dad told her if she made me he'd call C.P.S. on her. Now that I'm 6 months she wants to start finding a family to adopt the baby. My dad is adopted and hates the idea of having his first grandchild out in the world with stranger, but my mom is threatening to divorce him and move to another state. I love my dad and I see how this really affecting him, he really loves my mom but wants to do whats right for the baby. I feel horrible because I caused all this. I realize how stupid I was, but there really isn't much I can do about that now. But, if anyone could help me with this decision I'd really be grateful. I'm losing my mind and becomeng rather depressed.

tifa · Joined: 21 Jan 2006 Posts: 50 Location: lompoc,ca

Do what you think is right. If your dad is against adoption, then don't do it. I know what your dad went through. I am adopted to. If your mom doesn't care about you or the baby. It is her fault. But your dad seems like he wants this baby. Have you asked your mom and dad to adopt your baby? Maybe that would be one thing they can agree on. And you can see your child everyday and know that your child is safe. I think that is something you need to bring up to your mom and dad. Talk to them about it. And you can always go to court to get child support out of your ex-boyfriend. Since you know that it is his. If you do keep your baby. Just sit down and ask your mom and dad to adopt your child. Then maybe your mom would come around. Goodluck and do what you want to do.

Suzanne · Joined: 22 Mar 2005 Posts: 234

I think you should keep your options open, and consider the adoption route. You are very young to be ending your childhood, and entering motherhood.

Ultimately, the decision is up to you only.

psbarrios29 · Guest

I am right there with you on the abortion thing. I was 16 when I found I was pregnant and was mortified when anyone brought up abortion. That's to late anyway. But it's NOT up to your parents. It is up to you. This is a huge thing and there's no running from it, obviously. I kept my baby, I can't lie it is HARD I never imagined how much TIME and money it took. Its a slap in the face to anyone. It's hard to deside...you are young too young, I have such a hard times sometimes because while I was almost done with my teen years..I missed out on SO much it really kills me sometimes... but I believe that you have to take responcibility for your actions. You chose to have sex. Just because you used something doesnt mean you're safe......you chose to have sex knowing what sex can do sex main job is to make babies!! if you knew that...then in my opinion you should be resonciable for what you did and deal with the consiquences. But thats coming from someone who doesnt believe in abortion or adoption (some circumstances) if YOU dont have a problem with adoption that should be your choice. You get to pick where your baby goes you get to make sure your baby goes to a great home a safe home a finacial secure and a loving home......something that at 14 you just can't provide all of. I wish you all the luck in the world!!! I hope once you makes a chocie you will write and tell me. I will be there and support you no matter what!! I know what it's like, im right there for you!!

Isabel_Kitty · Joined: 01 Apr 2004 Posts: 92

I think you need to do what is best for you. Your dad might feel bad about adoption, but it will be you raising the baby. You'll have to support the baby financially somehow, hopefully stay in school, being 14 you'll have a hard road ahead of you. While it's possible, and I don't doubt that.. if you want to put your baby up for adoption.. then you should. I think adoption is great. It could give a family who might be unable to have children a chance to have a baby. And you can finish school, maybe goto college if you want. I am 20, and I have a 9 month old son. I love him,and he was planned, but at times I wish I myself had of waited. It's not all that easy. And I have help of my husband aswell as close family such as my mom. I can't really go anywhere to like to the movies or anything anymore unless I find somebody to watch my son. I wish you the best! Please feel free to PM me. And keep us updated. Smile

Chelle J · Joined: 22 Oct 2004 Posts: 120 Location: New Zealand

I think you need to do what is right for the baby. Is there a counseler you can go and see? I think you need to find out all the available options there are and go from there. Hopefully your mum and dad can put aside all the arguing and think of this little baby growing inside of you. In know they are all opinions but the way they are dealing with it at the moment isnt getting any of you anywhere. If they can sit down with you and talk it all over and discuss everyones felings maybe you will be able to come up with a solution that will be best for the child. You could consider adoption with in the family or open adoption. If you chose to keep the baby you would need alot of emotional and financial support and if your parents are fighting and even considering seperating how will you look after a baby when you are a baby yourself. I wish you well and hope this all gets sorted soon for your sake and the babys sake. Take care.

Hannah's Mommy · Joined: 07 Dec 2004 Posts: 598 Location: Trono

Open adoption could be an option for you. You should look into it. Good luck!

Jenan · Joined: 26 Feb 2006 Posts: 16

I would advice u to keep the baby. if ur dad can support u in this then go for it. Just think that if u give ur baby for the rest of ur life u will think about him or her and wonder how the life would have been if u kept the baby. Looking after a baby on ur own is not easy, but r u ready to leave someone who lived for 9 months under ur heart and never see him again?

U need to think in a long term. Now u probably think u r too young to cope with a baby. But how would u feel after years? Wouldnt u regret giving ur baby?

Also i am for taking the responsibility for our actions. If u were enough mature to have sex then u must be enough mature to take the responsibility which came as a result of it. My advice is to keep the baby and i hope ur mom after some time will fall in love with ur baby and forget her ideas of adoption.

Keep in mind that this baby will be her grand daughter or grandson. Sometimes parents over react out of shock in such situations but then when they see the baby their hearts cannot resist loving it.

So at least wait for some time after the delivery to see how u will feel about the baby and how ur mom will feel after she gets to see the baby.

Also 14 is not that bad as age. Ur baby will have a young mom when it grows up Smile

tifa · Joined: 21 Jan 2006 Posts: 50 Location: lompoc,ca

My mother-n-law and I had a huge fight back in oct. and we never talked since then. When we told her that I was pregnant. THings chnaged. She told my father-n-law to buy diapers for us. And just yesterday she called me up out of the blue and asked me to come over for easter. and i said yes. She talked to me for the first time in months. I think that your mom will come around. My mother-n-law finally came around because she knew if she didn't, she wouldn't be able to see her granddaughter. Your mom will come around. Give it some time

Haydens*Mommy · Joined: 06 Apr 2006 Posts: 51 Location: Michigan

Hey i'm 17 and also about to be a mom. I also do not believe in abortion or adoption, because my mother was adopted and I see how much it hurts her. But on the other hand, you are soo young and if adoption is the best thing for the baby, so be it. There are many families who cannot have children and would be willing to adopt. But when I found out I was pregnant, of coarse my mom was upset but she was there for me, so I cant imagine what your going through. When others started to find out, (friends, family) they all told me that a baby is a gift from God and that God would not give you anything that you can't handle. The choice is yours and yours alone, don't let your mom bully you and your father into giving up to the baby. It sounds like your dad would be supportive. All I can say is good luck, I know you'll make the right decision for you and your baby..its that motherly instinct.
-Ashley

tifa · Joined: 21 Jan 2006 Posts: 50 Location: lompoc,ca

My mother-n-law came around. She called me two weeks before Easter and asked if I wanted to come for Easter dinner. And I said yes. Everything is going good between me and her. See it takes time. And it has been almost a year. Since that fight her and I had. For my birthday they spent over three hundred dollars on me. And over a hundred on baby clothes for us. So just give it time with your mom.

nsm240 · Joined: 22 May 2006 Posts: 2

Don't let anyone make your mind up for you, this has to be entirely your decision, if you let someone else decide for you, you might end up regreting it. I was in a situation last year. I got pregnant, me and my bf were completely wreckless and just didnt use anything at all a few times and i didnt think anything of it for some reason. but anyway my parents knew straight off the bat and the first word out of their mouths was abortion, and because i immigrated here with my mom to live with my stepdad he had all control and could have had me deported. Me and my bf wanted that baby so bad but i was pretty much forced into an abortion and ive regretted it everyday since. So do what feels right for you, not based on how your parents feel but how you feel. And sit down with your mom and ask why she feels this way. Good luck.