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PostPosted: Wed Jul 07, 2004 9:18 am 
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Joined: Tue Jul 06, 2004 8:56 pm
Posts: 5
Ive been a very serious relationship for 15 months, I just found out I'm pregnant (I'm estimating about 4-5 weeks since I was about 2-3 weeks late...) I love my boyfriend to death, but for the past 3 months or so I have been on the edge of just calling it quits. I won't get into the reasons why (me and him are to blame) but now that I'm pregnant I just don't know what to do. I KNOW I should stay with him and work it out for the baby's sake, but what if it doesn't? When has it been long enough for me to realize it's not going to work? Is it selfish of me to end it now? I was just looking for some advice and wondering if anyone else has maybe been in a similar situation.


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 Post subject: Tough decisions
PostPosted: Wed Jul 07, 2004 7:27 pm 
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Joined: Tue May 11, 2004 10:38 pm
Posts: 46
It sounds like a tough time to be making such an important decision. Without really knowing the background it?s impossible to advise but I hope things work out so you can stay together. It is probably natural for a mother-to-be to revaluate their relationship early in a pregnancy so I think it?s significant you were doing so before you conceived. Good luck with your decision, even if it?s to not make a decision yet?


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 08, 2004 11:35 am 
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Joined: Fri Jun 25, 2004 10:35 am
Posts: 43
The biggest mistake that a couple can make, is to stay together because of a child. You will only grow to resent the other person, and in the end, it is worse for the child. You two will begin to hate each other. If you were thinking about leaving him before you got pregnant, than do what you feel is right. Do what is going to make you happy. Because, if you are unhappy, it will also effect the child while in the womb.

Good Luck.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 08, 2004 6:28 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jul 06, 2004 8:56 pm
Posts: 5
Thanks for the replies. I haven't even told my boyfriend I am pregnant, and I've known for a week as of today. I'm just so confused and stressed out. Thanks again.


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 09, 2004 10:40 am 
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Joined: Tue Jun 29, 2004 9:02 am
Posts: 22
When I got pregnant for my daughter, who is now six and a half years old, her father and I did remain together for most of the pregnancy, but it was extremely hard. I was very young (18...to me, that is pretty young) and my parents, especially my mother took it so hard. So it was very difficult for my daughter's father and I to really make it work. Plus we were not together that long before we got pregnant. Anyway, to make a long story short, we closed the door to our relationship (well, I did mostly. For several years he still wanted to get back together...) and we are both in wonderful relationships now with great people, have an awesome daughter to adores us both and is loved beyond belief among ALL in each extended family. My daughter is such a lucky little girl.

The fact of the matter is, like Uwish said, you should NEVER remain together because of a baby. Sometimes, it's inevitable, and out of your hands. It's just the way you feel. And the outcome later can be a wonderful one among everyone if you both are mature enough to make it work. And just because you aren't together, you still are your child's parents, and for their sake, must work TOGETHER to make their life the best it can be. There can be a happy route, you just have to make it work and work hard to keep it that way.

BTW, not only are my daughter's father and I really great friends, but I stand before him and away from him, commending him as a father. He is a truly wonderful person and one great dad to his daughter. Just because we couldn't make it work as a couple, we made it work as close friends and mature parents for our daughter. You can do it too.


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 09, 2004 9:02 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jul 06, 2004 8:56 pm
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Thanks a lot Posie, that really made a lot of sense and made me feel a lot better. I am young to, 16 to be exact. My boyfriend is 20 though (he'll be 21 by the time the baby is born) so that makes things a little easier. I think at first I was almost looking at the baby as a sign of "oh, we're meant to be together". But I know deep in my heart it's just not going to work, and that getting pregnant isn't some "sign" or anything, it just happened. I know the next few days, months, hopefully not years are going to be ruff but it's better than forcing myself to be with him...I guess. Now I just need to get up the courage to actually go through with it. I really like the board, and the people on here. :-)


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 11:32 am 
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Joined: Tue Jun 29, 2004 9:02 am
Posts: 22
Yes, you are very young still. I was 18, and any immaturity I had left in me, had to diminish as soon as I got pregnant. I had a whole new life to adjust to, and it wasn't easy. But I love my little girl. And she's not only a part of my life, but my whole life, and without her, I wouldn't be who I am today.

Trust me, because you are pregnant, is NOT a sign that you two "belong together". My daughter's father felt the same way. I spent alot of time walking on eggshells as to not hurt his feelings for at least a couple years after we had our daughter. He was devastated that I didn't feel the same way as he did, but his outlook of the situation was totally different from mine. And plus we were young and I knew that there were other people out there more suited for each of us. And I was right. There is nobody more of a fit for me than my fiance, as with my daughter's father and his girlfriend also. They are perfect together. It just takes time hon. And 16? God, you are still a baby (and I don't mean that in a bad way, honestly)...my mom would have heart to hearts with me often in my pregnancy...letting me know that I was "a baby having a baby." And I was. That was only because of my age. My maturity level showed otherwise however.
You just have to be sure yours shines beyond your age as well.
Best of Luck in everything!


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