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 Post subject: What Can I Do?
PostPosted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 2:04 pm 
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Joined: Fri Apr 25, 2008 1:57 pm
Posts: 1
Location: Calgary
Ok, so I am 16 years old and I will be turning 17 in 2 months. I just found out that I am pregnant. the thing is I don't exactly understand what happened because I thought I was a virgin. but then my friend told me that I had slept with a guy at a party. I don't know how to tell my parents, and I don't exactly know what to do. some people are telling me that I should have an abortion but not only my religion but I do not believe in it. I think adoption would be better so I can finish school, but yet I kind of want to keep this baby..what should I do?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 4:21 am 
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Joined: Thu Jun 05, 2008 4:16 am
Posts: 1
Location: Alabama
Hi, i understand how your feeling, im 16 and i have a baby boy. But i also believe abortions are wrong and one side of me believes adoptions are wrong also when you are able to take care of the baby,it is wrong to give up your child judt so you can have a teenage life. I couldnt imagion my life without my son there is nothing more amazing than having a child no matter what are you are. Age has nothing to do with how good of a parent you are. If you want to talk just send me a message im here wih open ears.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 3:10 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jun 30, 2008 3:05 pm
Posts: 1
Hii im 16 and i think i may be pregnant
but im not sure
if anyone has any advice please contact me x


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 8:05 am 
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Joined: Thu Jul 03, 2008 7:40 am
Posts: 15
Location: Wi
Good Morning,
I'm new here, this is my first post. I hope to offer some support as well as get some advice.

My heart goes out to you that are or think you're pregnant. I know it's got to be very scary, not knowing what to do, how your parents are going to react, etc.

The first thing you need to do is find out if you're pregnant or not. There are resources available thru your county Health and Human Services division. The sooner you find out, the better care you can give your little baby and your own body!! :) Try not to worry too much (soooo easy to say, very hard to do, I know. ), worrying can eat you up inside, make you miserable, and actually delay a period if you're not pregnant.

My son is a teen father. My granddaughter is 9 months old. She is beautiful and I can't imagine my life w/o her. Coming from the "other side" of the situation, I know the shock, hurt, dissappointment, anger and all those other "not so fun" emotions that come w/being the mother of a teen parent-to-be. As hard as it was, and it was hard, we all survived the pregnancy, the emotional rollercoaster, and now we're doing pretty good! We still have our ups and downs, but we love that little girl more than life itself.

If you're pregnant, I know you're going to be ok. Cut your parents some slack, they're going thru a rough time of it too. As parents, we all have hopes and dreams for our kids. When one of them comes home w/the news, it's hard on us. But be patient w/your parents. I know that might sound silly, but if you drop The News on them, they're going to need time to deal w/it. They might yell, they might cry, they might get very angry. Just remember, they love you and only want the best for you. When they talk to you about the changes that are headed your way, listen to them. Do your best not to get angry and lash out, act like you know it all, etc. I might be the grandma in our situation, but if you can put yourself in your parents' place, try to see things from their side, it can help you all get past the difficult parts and begin to discuss things calmly and make the decisions that are right for you and the baby.

It's hard to talk to the parents about it, I know how difficult it was for my son and his g.f. to talk to my husband and me. But we survived, so keep that in mind. :)

Good luck to you all, it's going to be hard, but there are good times ahead. Post back and let us know how things turn out! :)


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 Post subject: teen mother need help
PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 1:24 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jul 21, 2008 1:22 am
Posts: 3
Location: Corona, CA
Well I am 15 turning 16 in about a month and I just found out that I was pregnant. And my situation is that I am living in a motel and I dont have a job. My boyfriend is 18 and does have a job but if his mom finds out than he gets kicked out. And now my mom says she is gonna send me to this stupid teen mom house if I decide to keep it. So on top of that, I am completely against abortion and a lot of Christian people that I've talked to like: my church's highschool pastor and he said abortion should be completely out of the question. But the reason I am posting this is because I wanna know what you think I should do considering my circumstances. Please reply soon!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 4:00 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jul 03, 2008 7:40 am
Posts: 15
Location: Wi
Hi Danielle,
I'm glad you posted. I know you're looking for answers but the only one that can make the decision is you, the baby's father, and all your parents.

My son and his gf kept their baby. It's been hard. They fight alot. They've lost touch w/alot of their friends due to having to put the baby first, before their own play time. He works full time, she works part time so they can pay all the bills. He's had to postpone his college plans. He really wants to go back to school so they might be moving back in with us. He doesn't want to live w/mom and dad again. I don't blame him. They've had to grow up very fast, before they were even completely grown up themselves. It's sad to see them "miss" the last few years of being goofy teenagers. But it was their choice.

My son's girlfriend just walked in the door, I asked her if she'd known a year ago what she knows now, if she'd have kept the baby. She said no, it's too hard. And if she was just 16? No, she would have given the baby up for adoption. She's 19 and it's hard on her. She can't imagine trying to raise a baby at your age.

Keep adoption as an option. There are open adoptions now that if I was in your situation, I would probably consider. If you feel you don't want to know anything, go for the closed adoption. I'm sure your pastor can give you information about different agencies.

Pray about this. The good Lord can give you the courage, strength, and wisdom to make the decision that's right for you and your baby.

Post again if you need to cry, vent, holler, whatever. I'll support you as much as I can!


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 Post subject: Re: What Can I Do?
PostPosted: Thu Oct 02, 2008 5:04 am 
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Joined: Thu Sep 04, 2008 9:24 am
Posts: 8
Kelsi wrote:
Ok, so I am 16 years old and I will be turning 17 in 2 months. I just found out that I am pregnant. the thing is I don't exactly understand what happened because I thought I was a virgin. but then my friend told me that I had slept with a guy at a party. I don't know how to tell my parents, and I don't exactly know what to do. some people are telling me that I should have an abortion but not only my religion but I do not believe in it. I think adoption would be better so I can finish school, but yet I kind of want to keep this baby..what should I do?


Its hard to be a teenage mom we all know that...I guess tell your parent about it and let the baby live don't engage in any abortion girl...that's not the right solution your killing an angel...You can still go too school until you can and when your belly became so big you can asked advise to your teacher if they can give you special treatment to settle your schooling...So that you can finish your study....


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 Post subject: newish mom
PostPosted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 4:11 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2009 3:57 pm
Posts: 3
Location: OHIO
I am a mom of a three month old little boy, i love him more than anything, my son's dad wants to see him for a whole month during the summer but i am not sure because i live in ohio and he lives in ohio and since i was 6 months pregnant he told me to give him up for adoption... i really really need some help on what to do? should i allow him to have dj for a whole month ( his dad doesnt want to come up to see him he wants dj to travel to him.) or should i say no to it?


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 8:07 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2009 3:57 pm
Posts: 3
Location: OHIO
dani_babi828 wrote:
Well I am 15 turning 16 in about a month and I just found out that I was pregnant. And my situation is that I am living in a motel and I dont have a job. My boyfriend is 18 and does have a job but if his mom finds out than he gets kicked out. And now my mom says she is gonna send me to this stupid teen mom house if I decide to keep it. So on top of that, I am completely against abortion and a lot of Christian people that I've talked to like: my church's highschool pastor and he said abortion should be completely out of the question. But the reason I am posting this is because I wanna know what you think I should do considering my circumstances. Please reply soon!



i am 17 and have a three month old baby. all i can say is that yeah its hard but at the same time its amazing... adoption is always an option but if you do that go for and open adoption and get to know the parents first because you will be giving them your baby and you need to know that they will take care of you child. you could keep your baby and it would be hard but there are so many places that you could turn for help and so many people are there to help even if family isnt. the choice is yours but make sure that you look into everything and keep an open mind about everything. i have my son even though his father told me that i cant and i am so much better off without him...

think about it and i am totally here if you need to talk. ( i have been in your situation i totally get it)


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jan 05, 2009 6:08 am 
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Joined: Thu Jul 03, 2008 7:40 am
Posts: 15
Location: Wi
Hi Scottishgurl!

Sounds like you're doing pretty good for being a teen mom. Good for you! Can you tell us a bit more about your situation? How much contact has the father had w/your baby? How far away does he live? Is he responsible? Does he have someone that is going to help take care of the baby while if/when he has your son for that month? Does he have any clue what taking care of a baby is like? Has he ever changed a diaper? walked or rocked a crying baby all nite long? A month is a very long time for a little one like your son to be away from his mother and the only home he knows. That alone is going to cause the little guy stress and chances are very good that the baby is going to have a hard time getting used to the new "home" and the new people around him.

If I were in your situation, I'd say no to the month long visit. Try a day long visit first. See how the father handles feedings, naps, diaper changes, play time, etc., first before you allow him to take the baby over night. If that goes well, then maybe let him take him for a weekend a few times before discussing longer visits.

I wish you well in your decision!!


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 Post subject: my situation
PostPosted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 8:35 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2009 3:57 pm
Posts: 3
Location: OHIO
hi,

My son's Father lives in Texas while I live in Ohio. He didnt talk to us at all during the first two months of DJ's life and then when we went to visit some of our friends in Texas he and his family have decided that they want to have Dj as much as possible even though they continuly told me that I couldnt keep DJ. His father has never spent more than two hours with a baby and doesnt know how to change a diaper, and he is so awkward with holding babies. I Want DJ to have a father in his life but I want and need it to be a part of our lives. do I have the right to not allow his father to see him by himself until i see how he can handle it?

:?:
Becca


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jan 07, 2009 8:18 am 
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Joined: Thu Jul 03, 2008 7:40 am
Posts: 15
Location: Wi
Hi Becca,

Wow.....that's a rough situation. You've got some thinking to do and definately some legal issues to deal with. My heart goes out to you. Big Time!!!! :cry:

First off, is his name listed on the birth certificate as being the father? If not, then he has some work to do before he can even consider asking for visitation.

If he's listed as the baby's father, then he does have a legal right for visitation. How much and for how long is yet to be determined. I'd suggest trying to come to a mutual agreement w/o having the court system involved. Courts and lawyers all cost big money and half the time, unless you can afford a really good lawyer, and I mean Really Good!, my experience is they don't really do much. (I've been thru the court system w/custody and child support issues, it SUCKS!)

You do have to look at everyone involved in the situation. First there's you, the father, the paternal grandparents, your parents, and most importantly your son. Your son does need to know that side of his family. As jerky as they all treated you before he was born....now they've met him and they want to be a part of his life. That is a good thing. You may not feel that way today, but it really is a good thing your son's father's family wants to get to know him and spend time w/him. Your son also has rights, even as an infant, he has the right to spend time w/his father and that side of his family.

If this goes to court, the courts will appoint a lawyer for the baby and you and the dad will have to pay that lawyer's fee. That person is called the Guardian et Litimn or something like that, the spelling is probably wrong. That lawyer will "work for the baby" and protect his rights. Should it go even farther, they will do home studies to see which home (your's or the dad's) is the best environment for the baby. We're talking big $$ here since you live in 2 different states.

If there is any way to keep it between you and the father and out of the court system...do it if you can. It's going to take alot of forgiveness on your part to get past all the hurt that you suffered during your pregnancy. But you need to put the baby first. It'd really be nice if his family gave you an apology, it'd help you heal and get past the wrongs that were done to you. That may come in time. They've already come to accept the fact they have a new member of their family and are willing to spend time getting to know this little guy.

I know how difficult it's going to be to "send your son away". Especially when he's so young. Is there any way you can go to TX w/him and stay w/friends while your son is at his father's? See if that family is willing to compromise on the visitation...instead of a month, would they agree to a 2 week visitation?

You have some rough things to work thru in the coming months. Take some time to think about what's best for everyone involved. Try not to make rash decisions, keep a level head. (so easy to say...hard to do, I know!!) If you're on the phone w/one of them and feel pressure to make a decision, be pleasant but tell them you will think about it (whatever it is) and get back to them with your answer.

Best of luck to you as you make your decisions!!! Take care of yourself too during this. Don't stress out. Things always work out for the best even if it doesn't seem that way at the time. When things seem to be overwhelming and you don't know which way to turn, say a prayer, give it to God to handle...then go hug your son and enjoy the day.

Just one last question....do you have a good support system where you are? Mom? Dad? siblings? friends??? You need that too!

Take care,
Mary


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