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Baby Place Humor

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Parenthood Changes

Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby.
Here are some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:

YOUR CLOTHES:

a. 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
b. 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
c. 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes.

THE BABY'S NAME:

a. 1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
b. 2nd baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
c. 3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect!

PREPARING FOR THE BIRTH:

a. 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
b. 2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
c. 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

THE LAYETTE:

a. 1st baby: You prewash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
b. 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
c. 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

WORRIES:

a. 1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
b. 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
c. 3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

ACTIVITIES:

a. 1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
b. 2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
c. 3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaners.

GOING OUT:

a. 1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
b. 2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
c. 3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

AT HOME:

a. 1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
b. 2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
c. 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.