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Posted by meritt on April 03, 2003 at 09:32:19:
In Reply to: Question about behavior problem w/twins posted by Gianna on April 01, 2003 at 22:30:27:
Hi there... I really don't think it's a sibling jealousy thing. Instead - it's the normal "2 year old" behavior coming out. :) Actually the "terrible 2's" start around 18-20 months... LOL. It's not actually that they are terrible - it's just that they start to show their own independance... they learn to say "NO" to Mommy and show that they have a will of their own. It's time for Mommy and Daddy to make sure their children know that they still have to do what Mom and Dad say - even though they want to show independance. Maybe by giving your twins more freedom in some areas - able to exert their independance - you can let him make some choices, yet make sure he knows that some things there is NO debate on - mainly; the aggression. Every child is different so it sounds like your son will have more aggression than your daughter - she may be easy through the 2's. Also - I found that by the time they are about 2 1/2 - 3 they have found out how to handle their own feelings and frustrations... so they 'grow out of' the terrible twos. When your son is frustrated and acting out and you try to stop him with the talking and a time out... that doesn't allow him to release his frustrations he was feeling. Also - children have about a 10 second attention span at that age. They will hear you say "no...." and anything you say after that point will be lost. So when the PC parents start on their little sing-song voice lectures about "no no sweetie pie, we don't do that do we? Nooooo... that isn't very nicey nicey..." blah blah blah... the child isn't even paying attention anymore and just waits for the parent to stop talking and go away so they can get back to what they were doing. Instead, if he is really acting up and being aggressive you have to use a firm and angry "NO that is NOT ok" and try putting him in his room, or swat on a diapered bottom. He'll get mad. But I found by telling my son it was fine to be angry but he had to do it in his room because he was hurting my ears... and he could come out when he was done - it worked great. After a few times of doing this (with all three of my children) it worked great! We even have on video, my 20 month old daughter, standing there in a diaper, getting angry at me for something or other and she makes an indignant face, and storms off into her room and slams the door on us. LOL... then she comes out and takes a deep breath and sighs at me. It's really cute... but more importantly - she learned that Mommy and Daddy would NOT let her get away with her behavior and she knew that she could let out frustrations - (you know like when WE get angry and just want to scream into a pillow... we get so angry we just cry... and then feel SO much better afterwards!)... they need a place to PUT their anger. You can't just turn it off. Stand firm... he is just showing his independance. *smile* Let him choose his clothes for the day (only give 2-3 choices, not the whole closet!) let him have a choice of lunch... (do you want a ham sandwich or a peanut butter sandwich today) let him choose what book to read, etc. but also let him be a 'big boy' and show you how proud he is of his new found skills and frustrations, feelings, independance, etc. but make sure he knows that Momma is still #1 boss and he must listen. :) Good Good Luck sweetie! Having 3 under 3 is stressful... but they grow SO fast! :)
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