Re: Crying

Posted by Lee on August 03, 2003 at 22:13:18:

In Reply to: Re: Crying it out...I disagree posted by chelsea on August 03, 2003 at 17:09:09:

I read both abstracts w/ an open mind. For me, I have to go with my experience. I rocked my little guy to sleep EVERY night and FOR EVERY NAP, and he slept in our room until he was 3 yrs and 9 months. I stopped rocking him at around 2, he actually adjusted very well, I was afraid he would not. And, he has adjusted to being in his own room, suprisingly just as well, although, he likes the light on (a dim light). I am not sure if he is "so constantly dependent for my approval, or attention" because I did these things like rocking him, bathing w/ him, entertaining him etc... etc....but, I have to admit, his CONSTANT, RELENTLESS, NEED FOR MEMEMEMEMEMEME, makes me irritable. Now, if I can prevent that w/ my little girl, by allowing her to be more independent, it is worth a try. And this I HAVE to try, because I am so irritated by her Brother (sorry, don't get me wrong, I love him to pieces), but if she turned out like brother, I'd probably have a nervous breakdown w/ the two of them wanting me EVERY minute of EVERY day. I on the other hand have done things a bit differently than you when it comes to day time "no no's", I couldn't let either one of them cry, I simply divert their attention to something else so they'd forget what the fuss was about. But when it comes to sleeping, I need my rest, or I'm a mess, and they need theirs as well. And I can respect what the Harvard abstract has as an objective, however, Americans have been doing things their own ways for so long, I doubt anyone or study will ever really change the majority of us. Were are pigheaded Americans, and for some reason people from many other countries want to live here. Besides, our children have to "fit in" in this society, not in another country, and we all know how "fitting in" can truley affect us. I think it's alright to let a 9-10 month old to fuss, maybe cry midly for a few minutes, but if it carries on, I agree they need to be touched (I rub her head and talk softly). I don't think in my heart of hearts I could ever agree w/ the full blown "cry out", and from what I have read from the Parents, kind enough to give me their advise/experiences, including yourself, (and I honestly do appreciate you giving me the objectives from the "otherside"), that most of the Parents here don't agree w/ that full blown crying out thing either. I would've never done any of this BEFORE this age of 9-10 months, but now I feel it's finally time for baby doll to rest and for Mommy to be rested as well so she can endure the Brother's constant tugging throughout the day. No, I mean literally, hanging onto my clothes...I want to thank you so much for responding, all of you, I honestly do appreciate your opinions, and have learned tremendously! Lee

: : I can respect that, but you know what? I was that way w/ my first Son. I never wanted my babies to want for anything. I ALWAYS wanted to be there for them every second that they neeeded me, and I have made a Monster out of my 4 yrs old son. I have been OVERLY accessible to him. He nags me EVERY minute of every day to watch him, or play w/ him, or listen to his story, or sing to him, or watch tv w/ him. Now this is even when he is playing w/ friends. It is nice that he loves me, but this is as irritating as can be. And it is all my fault, I did this, always wanting to be there for everything for my babies. So w/ my little girl, I have to try something different or I'm going to have two little ones pulling at me every minute, and I want to be a happy pleasant Mom, not an irritated one. I tried the cry it out thing last night. It wasn't so bad really. I wouldn't say she "cried", but she fussed and fussed, and would fall back asleep. And I took a sleeping pill so I wouldn't be so inclined to jump up!!! Believe me! You don't want to be expected to entertain you little one's every minute, and being overly accessible to my youngest has caused me a nightmare, AND NOW I MUST RUN, BECAUSE HE HAS A FRIEND OVER, BUT INSISTS ON BEING ON MY LAP????? And, yes, I do take time out for him many times a day, but this is ridiculous...and it's my own fault, my friends told me I would regret it, and I do.

:
: : : : My baby doll is 9 months old and sleeps terrible!! ALWAYS has! Fusses and fusses every hour. Used to use pacifier, stopped that at around 6 months old. Now she wants you to place empty bottle in her mouth or she wont go back to sleep. I let her fuss, and cry for 45 minutes a few times, she wont give in! She is just the happiest, sweetest most lovable baby when she's awake, BUT SHE'S DRIVING ME CRAZY! Yes, she sleeps in our room w/ us in her crib. Because she has Reflux, and she projectile from time to time, caught her girgling on her back many of times. Should I do the "crying it out thing"? It seems so cruel, and she doesn't seem to give in, AND I JUST WANT TO GO BACK TO SLEEP? Ok, I asked for it, let me have it, LOL!

: : : My ds is 10 months. Was a good sleeper until about 5 months. Everyone told me to let him CIO. I've heard it does work. I won't do it though. I disagree with it at this age. Is it so bad that my ds after living inside me for 9 months wants to be near me? In my opinion, no. Once I moved the crib back into our room he starting sleeping about 10 hours a night. Sometimes he'll wake up, find his pacifier and he'll go back to sleep. Not to say we still don't have some off nights. When he is older and he can communicate with us in other ways than crying, I'll be more willing to let him CIO. Until then, I want him to know he can rely on me. Whatever anyone decides about what is right for their own child (and their own sanity) is right I think. Good luck.

: Hi Lee,
: Thanks for the response. I guess I should have said that I do not believe in CIO with sleep issues. My son does cry and I let him do so when he wants to play with the stereo speakers, TV, etc when he is told not to, etc. For my children, I don't believe in treating something as glorious and important as sleep in a negative manner. Again, my opnion. A colleauge of mine is currrently conducting a study relating imsonia-related adult sleeping issues to CIO as a child. Please, I'm not trying to start a big debate, just expressing a different parenting style. I'll attach a website with Harvard researchers that do not advocate CIO. I have read many articles and such with CIO supporters as well. To each his own.

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• Re: lee Chelsea 11:02:33 8/04/03 (0)

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