Re: 8 Month Old Screams When put in Crib! Wants Moms Bed

Posted by jenny on May 26, 2002 at 21:42:16:

In Reply to: Re: 8 Month Old Screams When put in Crib! Wants Moms Bed posted by Kristin on April 09, 2002 at 13:33:44:

: : : My son Connor just turned 8 months old. It really is my fault that he does not want to sleep in his crib. My husband and i just love him so much that we want him to sleep with us. It became such a habit that now i have to wait untill he is asleep and then bring him into his bed. Most times he will wake 1 to 2 times a night screaming for his mommy and hyperventalating almost. He never gives up. he is very stubborn about it. I guess it is hard to sleep with him at night no matter how much i want to, because he moves around so much. I have a bad back and with him in the bed i can not move at all/.... Does anyone have a suggestion on how they broke the habit??? I have heard it is bad habit and babies need independance,,, and should learn to fall asleep on their own. Anyone agree??? He also has mild reflux and has begun to teeth,, I HAve my hands Full ,lol....

: :
: : My son Conard is also 8 months old and has acid reflux. I don't think the reflux and sleeping problem are related. I think your first mistake was to allow Connor to sleep with you. Now it is time to cut the cord. You will miss several nights of sleep and feel that you are a bad parent. Tough love is difficult, but you can do it. My wife spent a few nights crying when our son would not fall asleep. I reassured her that it was O.K. to let the baby cry until he fell asleep. I also had to go into my daughters room(3 yrs old) and reassure her that her baby brother is O.K. Now and again I have to check in on him because of his more serious case of acid reflux. But for the most part, I let him cry it out. Remember, He may only cry for three minutes but it feels like 15 or 20 minutes. Hope this helps

: I couldn't disagree more with the person who replied to you earlier. Tough love does NOT apply to babies in my opinion. Your son is securely attached to you. You have NOT created a bad habit by putting him in your bed, you have simply given him what every baby wants: all of his or her parents attention all of the time, including night. You have been so responsive to his needs because he sleeps with you that to "cut the cord" and harshly let him cry it out would be very confusing to him. I know that your back hurts you and you are looking for a way to get him out of your bed. Why not try an arms reach Co-sleeper? It will be literally within your arms reach and hooks securely onto your bed so that you can comfort baby when he wakes, but Connor could have his own sleeping space and so could you. Then you could gradually transition him first out of your bed into the arms reach co-sleeper then eventually out of your room and into his crib. Babies do need independance, but that is something that comes with age, not us forcing it on them. If you pull away so abruptly now, he will only be more clingy, not more independant as you had hoped. Think about it, do you like it when people or situations all of the sudden change and you don't know about it. Would you be happy if you were Connor and all of the sudden you went from sleeping with your parents, warm and snuggled, then boom all of the sudden in a crib all alone, left to cry it out? Trust your instincts. Don't let people influence you just because they disagree with your parenting style.

: Our daughter, Gabrielle is 6 months old and has slept with us since the day she came home from the hosiptal. I love knowing that she is alright sleeping right next to me. I also know there is a time when she will have to leave, but until that time comes she is welcome in our bed. I know I don't ever plan on letting her cry it out. I think that leaving a baby to cry it out is detrimental to the trust that you have with your baby.

: I really think that many people force independence and "tough love" on children way too early. Research actually shows that children that are more securly attached to their parents are more secure later in life. Like I said before trust your instincts and don't let people bully you into making a decision just because co-sleeping isn't a "mainstream" parenting practice. Hope this helps and doesn't sound too much like preaching!
: Good Luck!
: Kristin
Hi..my first daughter slept with us despite people's nosy objections. my second daughter isn't as bothered and only wants in every now and then..they are both welcome whenever. the first is now 2, sleeps on her own in a toddler bed, and falls asleep by herself. co sleeping and attatchment parenting creates secure confident children. trust your instincts and trust your children to move on when they are ready! they will! there is a really good book called Three in a Bed which addresses this stuff.Good luck!

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