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Posted by MarybethW on November 26, 2002 at 22:25:52:
In Reply to: Re: Steve - some thoughs on nursing associations posted by Steve on November 26, 2002 at 16:53:21:
Ok, Mr. Devil's Advocate, I'll bite ;-) Let me ask you this, though.... I'll use the tool reference.... would you use a hammer to turn a screw? Even thought the hammer is handy, it might not be the best tool to do the job, and will definitely mess up the screw. (WHAT? Ok, sorry - I'm getting tired!) I guess I try to see a clear division of what I want and need to do for my daughter, and overusing or misusing some of the "tricks and tools" that I have in my bag. I often overuse and missuse my tools and then trap myself because Alex develops a preference. I'm trying to get better at that. Here's a little story about a moment of clarity that I recently had. (they come few and far between these days...) My husband, Andy, and I work for the same company, which is located about a half hour to fourty five minutes from our home, and so we ride to and from work together as often as possible. Alex's daycare is about 5 minutes from work. Alex hates to ride in the car, especially in the evenings. She used to scream and scream and scream all the way home. So, whichever one of us wasn't driving would hop in the back with her and try to entertain and calm her. We would sing, dance, tickle, make faces, dangle toys, etc... exhausting! One day I had a bottle of b-milk in her backpack - I had just pumped it before leaving work, so it was still all nice and toasty warm and ready to feed. So, I whiped it out and gave it to her. And, even though she had just recently been fed, she frantically guzzled it down. And then barfed it all up again. But, hey, it calmed her down, right? Anything was better than listening to her scream bloody murder. So, I did it again the next day, and the next. And then I started to think.... I've become my Mother! I'm comforting my kid with food! So, if I keep this up, she's going to think that every time she's upset food is the answer, regardless of the fact that she's not hungry. And where will that lead her? To the snack cabinet every time she's upset (like her Mother!). I wasn't dealing with the real issue. I was masking it with food. Sounds like a good old fashioned dose of Western Medicine to me - treat the symptom, never mind the cause. So, I stopped feeding her in the car. And burnign up all of my psychic energy to entertain her. And I started to look for a better way to help her work it out. Fact: We have to ride in the car. Fact: It's worse when she's overtired. Fact: There won't always be one of us available to put on a show for her (or stuff a bottle in her mouth). So: Lets leave work a little earlier, here's some toys, lets play some quiet music, now relax and lets get home without a fuss. And guess what? After a few days she got it. Now, about 90% of the time she makes it all the way home without screaming (she complains, but doesn't scream) - even falls to sleep sometimes! I actually think it was the leaving earlier thing that really did the trick. Ok, so there's my story. One of the best resources I have as a parent are the stories (and warnings) that I recieve from other parents. As with any advice, I say thanks, take what I can use and disregard the rest. We all make our own parenting choices based on our lifestyle preferences. There are some "mistakes", even though I'm aware of them, that I chose to make because they suit our life style. But it's nice to get a bonk on the head once in a while so that I can examine what I'm up to and make any necessary adjustments before I wake up one day and find that I'm locked into doing a 1 hour comedy show and making a ham sammich to get my kid to sleep at night.... Best!
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Marybeth