By Elizabeth Pantley Author of Kid Cooperation, Perfect Parenting and Hidden Messages
Preschoolers require more finesse to gain their cooperation, because they have not yet reached the age at which they can see and understand the whole picture. Robert Scotellaro is quoted in The Funny Side of Parenthood as saying, "Reasoning with a two-year-old is about as productive as changing seats on the Titanic." (He must have had a two-year-old at the time.)You can get around this frustrating state of affairs by changing your approach. Let’s look at two situations - first the typical (Titanic) way:
Parent: David! Time to change your diaper.
David: No! (As he runs off)
Parent: Come on honey. It’s time to leave, I need to change you.
David: (Giggles and hides behind sofa)
Parent: David, this isn’t funny. It’s getting late. Come here.
David: (Doesn’t hear a word. Sits down to do a puzzle)
Parent: Come here! (Gets up and approaches David)
David: (Giggles and runs)
Parent: (Picking up David) Now lie here. Stop squirming! Lie still. Will you stop this! (As parent turns to pick up a new diaper, a little bare bottom is running away)
I’m sure you’ve all been there. By the way, David is my son. Like you, I got very tired of this. And then I discovered a better way:
Parent: (Picking up diaper and holding it like a puppet, making it talk in a silly, squeaky voice) Hi David! I’m Dilly Diaper! Come here and play with me!
David: (Running over to Diaper) Hi Dilly!
Parent as Diaper: You’re such a nice boy. Will you give me a kiss?
David: Yes. (Gives diaper a kiss)
Parent as Diaper: How 'bout a nice hug?
David: (Giggles and hugs Diaper)
Parent as Diaper: Lie right here next to me. Right here. Yup. Can I go on you? Oh yes?! Goody goody goody! (The diaper chats with David while he’s being changed. Then it says), Oh, David!
Listen, I hear your shoes calling you - David! David!
The most amazing thing about this trick is that it works over and over and over and over.
You’ll keep thinking, "He’s not honestly going to fall for this again?"
But he will! Probably the nicest by-product of this method is that it gets
you in a good mood and you have a little fun time with your child.When
you’ve got a toddler this technique is a pure lifesaver. When my son David
was little I used this all the time. One day, when he was almost three, we
were waiting in a long line at the grocery store and I was making my hand
talk to him. He was hugging my hand and looked up at me and said, "Mommy,
I love for you to pretend this hand is talking." Another day, after I had
called David to the table for dinner a number of times, he calmly looked
up at me, chubby hands on padded hips and said, "Mommy, why don’t you have
my dinner call to me?" And suddenly, the peas on his plate came to life and
called out to David; he ran over to join us at the dinner table.A
variation on this technique is to capitalize on a young child’s vivid
imagination as a way to thwart negative emotions. Pretend to find a trail
of caterpillars on the way to the store, hop to the car like a bunny, or
pretend a carrot gives you magic powers as you eat it. It’s delightful to
see how a potentially negative situation can be turned into a fun
experience by changing a child’s focus to fantasy.
Excerpted from Kid Cooperation: How to Stop Yelling, Nagging and Pleading and Get Kids to Cooperate by Elizabeth Pantley.
By Elizabeth Pantley Author of Kid Cooperation, Perfect Parenting and Hidden Messages
Reproduced with permission by NTC/Contemporary Publishing Group, Inc.
Books by Elizabeth Pantley
Kid Cooperation : How to Stop Yelling, Nagging and Pleading and Get Kids to Cooperate
- Would you like to know how to get your children to willingly cooperate? Would you like to eliminate many of your daily battles and end the yelling, nagging, and pleading? Would you like to handle discipline issues with knowledge and authority? During this process, would you like to learn how to boost your children's self-esteem, feel better about yourself as a person, and even improve your marriage?
- Perfect Parenting : The Dictionary of 1,000 Parenting Tips
- In my years of raising eight children and advising parents through my pediatric practice and through twenty-three parenting books, I have learned as much as I have given. I have discovered one parenting dilemma that arises repeatedly. This dilemma is the arduous process of deciding on the right course of action when confronted with a discipline or behavior issue.
- Hidden Messages : What Our Words and Actions Are Really Telling Our Children
- In Hidden Messages, parent and educator Elizabeth Pantley shares stories drawn from hundreds of parents that demonstrate how they unknowingly send their kids negative messages through their words and actions. After each story she provides a gentle lesson by showing the child's perspective on the same scenario and offers suggestions for specific changes parents can make to improve the hidden messages behind theirwords and deeds.
Baby Place Bookstore
- For more about raising children, come visit our bookstore. Feel free to browse!
